As you stare into the plain backdrop of this website you maybe asking yourself, why? Why are you about to embark into the inner thoughts of a seemingly unassuming stranger. I know some of you will know me personally and for some of you the journey thus far has only been the product of a deliberate but oh so accustomed tap of your finger. I would like to first highlight that I am writing to you not because I think I have any sort of absolute truth I need to share with you. I am writing because I believe I have a story I wish to share. As my stories meets yours I hope to share not just my experience with you but would like to hear how you understand my experiences and of course hear how you understand your own experiences too. This desire to listen more deeply to my own story and my own inner dialogue reminds me of the great mystic St Anthony, who many may know as an influential figure of early monasticism. Athanasius writes:
“When St. Anthony entered to the internal desert, the demons watched him dauntingly, saying, “O You young of age and mind, how did you dare to enter our territory, as we have never seen a human before you.” And they all started to fight him. He said to them, “O strong ones, what do you want from me, the weak; And who am I so that you all gather to fight me. Don’t you know that I am ashes and dust, and unable to fight the smallest in you.” And he lay on the ground, shouting to God, “O God, help me, and strengthen my weakness. Have mercy on me, as I sought after you. Do not leave me; and do not let those who think that I am something overcome me. O God, You know that I am unable to fight the smallest of these.” When the demons heard this prayer full of life and humility they fled away, and did not dare to approach him.”
I would like to highlight the underlying prayer I will and (hopefully), you will hold at the foundation of this journey. This is, that God will help us to strengthen our weakness, that God may have mercy and not leave us even in our inadequacy to rationalise even the tiniest of these hurdles we find in life. It is not only St Anthony that has fought the demons of the world in harsh solitude. Even Jesus himself was thrust into the dessert to be tempted by the devil for 40 days. In his solitude there remained a steadfastness for God and his unfailing desire for us and for creation. In the following posts I am not aiming to proclaim an absolute truth but aim to engage with my innermost thoughts and how it is expressed through the stories I am telling. I aim to address my own fears, doubts and how I perceive the world. When we are in places of solitude there is no doubt the looming presence of the devil, or (maybe better known in our post-everything world) self doubt/ anxiety/depression/pride. So as I explore deeper into ‘what I believe in’ and ‘what it is that I think I know’, I hope you will accompany me as brothers and sisters in my time of temptation. I hope you will be a hand when I fall and also a voice to keep me on track to the end. I believe that all of our journeys have some overlap, and there is much for us to learn from each other. So join me on as we Stop. Listen. Learn. Create. As we listen to, and tell our stories, let us be reminded of our foundation, that God will be here to hold us.
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