I grew up hearing phrases like "if you have money spend money and if you don't then don't". My family taught me the importance of hard work and contenment in the face of both hardships and blessing. These phrases got me through some tough times when I needed to remind myself to be present of the life I still have. These phrases also serve as reminders for me to enjoy the beauty and blessings as they come and go aswell. Noble as this quote is though , it never quite hit deep enough for me, it was missing an element of communality, personhood and relationship. So naturally how I would fill this emptiness is with what I saw on tv and in the movies....At 15 I remember watching The Fast and the Furious Tokyo Drift, and hearing the line: "I have money, it's trust and character I need around me. You know, who you choose to be around you lets you know who you are. One car in exchange for knowing what a man's made of? That's a price I can live with." With a mix of eagerness to emulate people like me on the screen as well as a desire to live my best life in a world that doesn't always like faces like mine. I clung on to this line and shaped it, and moulded it to form an intricate part of who I was and who I will become. At 15, I was a young, brash, talented, broken, fiercly independent and filled with a fake it till you make it attitude. I was creating an ego ready to take charge and exploit the world for its riches, but at each turn things got in my way, teachers, bosses, friends and girls always picked me 2nd or third (not first). Girls always chased that lead role blonde hair blue eyed guy more than me, the teachers preferred the outspoken self confident, self promoting intellectual more than me, coaches picked the bigger, faster, buliker guy more than me. I was a Hong Kong Chinese kid, through and through skinny, agile and nimble, I was made for badminton not football, and no mask could ever hide who I was and was always meant to be.... 15 is also when I caught a whiff of that 2000s AzN pride, the smell of honda civics, tokyo drift and characters like Han, illuminated a different way to live. One that held my dignity through my asian values whilst learning how to navigate the world in a side step, side character, mysterious type A personality kind of way. Han is no lead role in the fast and the furious, neither is he a character, that screams look at me. BUT.. He is mysterious, collected and way deeper than he might appear on the surface. He taught me you don't have to try and compete in all the games you can just play the ones you have a chance to win. Life is not always fair and you don't always get cards to play every round and at every table, neither are we entitled to play every round and at every table. Growing up I was neve
r the lead, the front person, the most popular or the most good looking (whatever the fuck that means). Faces like mine were never going to be an option for first pick and lead roles for society but more of a second pick for that comedic relief, and side hussle kinda role. Han broke new ground because now there were three ways to be, for kids like me....1. Goofy asian, 2. Goofy funny asian and 3.Cool and mysterious asian. This was one step up from comedic relief so I was all in. To me this guy was now my saving grace......but sometimes I still do ask.. What does Han do in the movies? Does he contribute? And how does his absence signify the gentle nudge of humility that shapes much of eastern traditions. There is surely some more reflections to be had here.... So the world has changed again (as it does constantly) its
15 years since I saw this movie and I wonder who it is that I am now. I still keep myself safe by playing it cool, I still keep myself by playing it subtle and making others move and think without me saying much. I still make sure I check myself by thinking about who I keep around me....Most people who know me would know that I love being apart of and building communities that foster inclusivety and encouragement with people who don't always fit in, it's probablly something you would expect a Minister to say. But what you might not expect is how much of that part of my personality was shaped by a side character from a movie most people have heard of but can't remember.
Han says; "Who you choose to be around tells you alot about who you are", Jesus says something similar too (I found out later in my life).... SO whether I am like me, or like Han or like Jesus, there seems to have always been something virtuous about keeping the side guys and weirdos around. There's something the broken, the different, the alien, the ones on the edge and at the margins have to teach us...
Representation is a funny thing, I wonder who might be looking at us and think....maybe I will keep some weirdo's around me too. I wonder if this is a virtue worth keeping?
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